Hi

How’s you’re week been?

Is that right…

I know the feeling.

The world seems to be moving super fast these days.

Tough to get everything in that we want or need.

Makes us a little cranky and sometimes overwhelmed.

That feeling of “not enough hours in the day” will put the body and mind in distress.

The accumulation of those heavy stress loads tends to weaken the human spirit.

A weakened human spirit compounded with learned societal misconceptions can lead to disastrous outcomes.

Sorry about that last sentence.  Sometimes I get rolling and when the words fall out onto the page I see sometimes I need to divulge a bit of explaining.

The learned societal misconceptions I’m talking about are the categories or boxes we put ourselves in or allow others to place us in as a way of identification and security.

Expectations, I guess you could say.

Think about it for a minute.

What are some of the expectations that you place on yourself everyday?

What are some of the expectations that others around you have come to regularly assume about you?

What we are talking about here is you adhering to an identity and/or routine which may provide security and a sense of self in many facets of your life because of responsibilities or expectations.

So when you think about it, how many things do you adhere to everyday that are things you have to do, feel responsible for doing or are required to do?

Are you the reliable employee that’s never late to work, eats his lunch at twelve noon on the dot everyday and always has a ham and cheese sandwich with sour cream and onion chips?

Maybe you’re the great mom that always brings cupcakes to school on your child’s birthday, provides the sliced oranges for the team at Saturday soccer tournaments and keeps an impeccably clean home.

Whatever the case, you do it and it’s expected of you.

Now, how many things do you participate in that you want to do?

The things I’m talking about here are the things that bring you joy, satisfaction and fill you with energy.

Maybe these things get you out of your comfort zone every now and again.  They may even be considered a little dangerous.

You know, like maybe soccer mom from earlier leaves the house wearing unpressed jeans without dumping the trash first.

I don’t know…

Use your imagination.

-Back to the story-

As the wear and tear of the daily “have to’s” accumulates, the psyche becomes uneasy and eventually bursts like an overfilled water balloon when it slips out of wet hands and smashes into the pavement.

The size of each of these bursting balloons can vary.

There can be small, seemingly harmless “outbursts.”

Or, you may have a pop and a splash on a grand scale.

Funny thing is, the things that seem to pop our balloons are usually out there.  Meaning the people and situations that occur outside of ourselves.

Ever see someone freak out over something that you said or did that seemed harmless?

Yeah, you just popped their balloon.

When’s the last time you freaked out over something and needed to apologize a little later once you calmed down?

Yep, your balloon was popped.

So what does all this mean?

Keeping in tune with the other posts this week, the intention of these writings is to help bring you a different vision of how the world may work under the scaffolding holding up it’s skin.

When our balloon gets popped, it’s not because someone else caused the unrest.

The reason the balloon popped was because it was ready to be popped.

When you’re done with the outburst caused by the pop, thank that someone or something that provided just enough stimulus to release the tension built up in your balloon.

Realize that you put the pressure in the balloon or allowed others to pressurize it for you.

And for reasons unknown, you weren’t able to recognize that your balloon had been filling.

In other words, expectations, self imposed or not, and restricting identities can cause balloons to burst.  You’re not just a person living in one, neatly boxed up identity.  You are many things.

One reader voiced their discontent with what they called “self sabotaging” behavior.

I am here to suggest that it is possible that some of that type of behavior is an attempt at releasing pressure from the balloon.

If you’re always doing what you think you should be doing or are expected to do without balancing the to-do list with the things that bring the soul joy and fill the mind and body with energy, the balloon fills fast.

Unconsciously, we attempt to release the pressure by going in through the backdoor and attempting another unconscious act.

Case in point:

Balloon is filling with pressure from all the things that “have to” be done.  You, being the health conscious individual that you are, are watching what you eat and trying to lose a few pounds.

Because of all the to-do’s on your list that are keeping you from the want-to’s, watching what you eat and trying to lose a few pounds increases the pressure in your balloon.  Staying away from the foods you enjoy that may not be so healthy for you is another one of those things you “have to” do but don’t want to.

But this “have to” is small in comparison to other “have to’s” so we let this one slide. And when I mean slide, I mean indulge beyond the imposed limits of the diet.

Then what happens?

That’s right…

We kick ourselves in the butt for doing it.  Regret casts it’s dark shadow on logic,  then the “I cant’s” start flying and self disappointment sets in and…oh boy.  What a mess.

Ahhh, screw it!

May as well have an extra large bowl of ice cream.

Hence the self sabotage.

Hence the going through the backdoor unconsciously to find balance between the “have to” and “want to” list.

You see, comparatively speaking, fudging on your diet is small in relation to quitting your job or divorcing the deadbeat you’re living with or quitting smoking or asking someone else to bring the oranges to soccer games…the list is endless.

And you really want that ice cream,. don’t you?

Makes you feel just a little better while you’re eating it, doesn’t it?

And then…

The last spoonful may as well be a spoonful of regret.

Go get the stick…

You are now preparing for a self imposed beating.

But, what if we lightened the load on the side of the “have to’s” by doing more “want to’s”?

Do you think we’d be so quick to grab the bowl of ice cream and the stick?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

But why eat the ice cream and then inflict the beating?

Why not just eat the ice cream and be happy you did?

Yeah, I know.

Pretty confusing stuff.

Whether or not you choose to understand the confusing behaviors of the human psyche, one thing is for certain.

If you want to minimize the breaking balloons and stick beatings, better even out the “have to” list with the “want to” list.

We have to take care of ourselves, ya know…

Ain’t no one else gonna do it for us.

Moral of the story:

Lots of “have to’s” and very few “want to’s” =

Trying to relieve the pressure by unconsciously going through the backdoor =

Then this…

Better put some “want to’s” on your “have to” list…

Don’tcha think? (I know…but it’s the way I say it)

If I thoroughly confused you…I did my job.  Now your job is to ask questions and comment with your thoughts in the comment’s section below.

Let’r fly,folks.

Until next time…

Get some “want to’s” done this weekend and make it a great one.

Get strong and stay strong,

Rochelle Gravance